Me: Fuck FTL. Fuck everything about that game.
Shawn: lol what did FTL ever do to you?
Me: It won't let me win. I get so damn close every single time, then it crushes my hopes and stomps on my balls
Shawn: lol leaves you with shattered hopes and blue balls nice
Me: It's like serving me a fine lasagna and a tasty beer. The bastard flings my food against the wall and smashes me over the head with the bottle. Then it fucks my sister as I bleed out.
Me: It gives a small child a piece of candy. Just as the child is about to taste the sugary goodness, FTL roundhouse kicks it in the face.
Shawn: thats one brutal piece of shit
Me: Don't ever let FTL use your bathroom. That fucker will clog your toilet, then fuck you with your own plunger. It then dunks your head in that shit.
Shawn: all the while the critter in the vent is laughing at you in the background
Me: That fucker is loving it. FTL then becomes the boss for your company and strips you of all your vacation time. It then changes the company uniform to a pink shirt that reads "I feel pretty"
and a tutu
and a tiara
Shawn: are you still playing it or give up?
Me: Gave up.