Me: Fuck FTL.  Fuck everything about that game.

Shawn: lol what did FTL ever do to you?

Me: It won't let me win.  I get so damn close every single time, then it crushes my hopes and stomps on my balls

Shawn: lol leaves you with shattered hopes and blue balls nice

Me: It's like serving me a fine lasagna and a tasty beer.  The bastard flings my food against the wall and smashes me over the head with the bottle.  Then it fucks my sister as I bleed out.

Shawn: LOL

Me: It gives a small child a piece of candy.  Just as the child is about to taste the sugary goodness, FTL roundhouse kicks it in the face.

Shawn: thats one brutal piece of shit

Me: Don't ever let FTL use your bathroom.  That fucker will clog your toilet, then fuck you with your own plunger.  It then dunks your head in that shit.

Shawn: all the while the critter in the vent is laughing at you in the background

Me: That fucker is loving it.  FTL then becomes the boss for your company and strips you of all your vacation time.  It then changes the company uniform to a pink shirt that reads "I feel pretty"

and a tutu

and a tiara

Shawn: are you still playing it or give up?

Me: Gave up.

 

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