Time for another round of game ideas from your friendly neighborhood Charlie Mic!
Game #4: It’s time to juice up the horror genre with a game simply titled “Bees at Midnight”. Really, think about it: What could be scarier than swarms of killer bees in pitch-black darkness? The only thing possibly more terrifying is if you were running away from the swarms of bees, hands out in front of you because you can’t see where the hell you are going, and your face suddenly becomes totally enveloped in a Black Widow’s web. Honestly, picture this game in your mind: The screen shows a situation of extremely low light, but you hear buzzing all the time and can barely make out the thin, soulless black legs crawling across your screen with that ominous red hourglass in the middle. Don’t let people puss out by adjusting the darkness via the graphics options, either, that is tantamount to cheating in “Bees at Midnight”. No guns, no survival, just an avatar and his short-lived sprint through a bee- and spider-infested woodland. If you actually survive two minutes before dying, you run into a bear that eats your face. This game will be categorized in the horror genre, but it will serve as a single-player equivalent to the experience someone has when they are BAD at multiplayer games: flailing around for two minutes between deaths hoping you don’t haphazardly run into a hazardous condition because you don’t know where the hell you are going, hoping to actually accomplish some feat. As is the case when you have at least one kill between deaths during a MW3 match, the player of “Bees at Midnight” will eventually settle for “Meh, at least I made it to the bear” before respawning and doing it all again. For an equally frustrating flail-to-no-avail experience, try playing the Steel Battalion demo for Kinect.
Game #5: I have always considered the Sims games to be this overbearingly chipper depiction of our own society, and the series has done nothing for me but bore and disappoint. In the same vein as when RockStar went from making exciting murder games like “Manhunt” to lackluster Bart Simpson simulators like “Bully”, I think the Sims needs to take a new road with their own series: Mentally handicapped Sims. The story would be that a malicious line of code was implemented in the newest iteration of SimCity that causes all Sims to go Simtarded. The only Sim not affected was Robert Neville, who happens to be a programmer. You start the game by building Neville’s house and fortifying it against all the rubberheaded Sims out there trying to find their baseball in your domicile, which ends by writing a completely clean copy of The Sims 2 and installing it on all the computers of the retarded Sims. If there’s one thing you will learn about Charlie Mic’s gaming taste, it is that he has a strong feeling that only retards play The Sims. That’s right, I went third person on ya. Anyways, Neville now has the ability to move about during the day while the SimTards are glued to their computer screens, gathering programming certifications and furthering his goal of rewriting that faulty script before nightfall. Call it “i.R.Lejend” to avoid copyright lawsuits, and explain the basis of the plot to people who didn’t get it before.
Game #6:Kingdom Hearts 3. No joke, I really want an ACTUAL sequel to the Kingdom Hearts series that isn’t handheld and doesn’t suck. And just because Disney owns Marvel now doesn’t mean you can throw the Avengers in there, mattafac please don’t. Yes, that’s really my third game idea. Most of you would think “That’s not very creative”, and I will agree with you. It’s not creative on my part, and it doesn’t take a very creative or intelligent mind to deduce that a third installment in the Kingdom Hearts series is something that should be made. Somehow, though, SquEnix and Disney aren’t doing it and that sucks. It leaves a hole in my heart, after the trailer for the third one came out years ago.